When we were really younger and before we became parents, my friends and I had several exhilarating conversations on how we would let our kids be whoever they want. It didn’t make sense to us that people that we knew were stopped from being actresses, musicians, dancers and fashion designers by their parents.
Every parent around us seemed to want their kids become successful lawyers, pilots, doctors, engineers and accountants. We couldn’t all be those, could we? Some of us wanted those too, but why couldn’t we choose? It didn’t also help that there was a huge rave about the movie and fashion industry and all our parents could see was that ‘not all that glitters is gold.’
And so we made unmarked resolutions and firm mental notes to be fairer to our children, because we could understand what they would have to go through by the time we became parents. Yes, we were going to be more understanding and accommodating, guiding them but leaving it up to them. And we would definitely raise solid kids; wouldn’t we? They would make right decisions about their lives and we’d only need to support them.
Now that we’re parents
I don’t even know the exact point I started to waver. When did you? Could it have been when you first saw your baby boy’s feet? Probably your baby girl’s first smile. Maybe it was when they had to be dressed up for career day at school. I’m not sure.
I just know my kids are teenagers now and teenagers these days want more; they want to be disc jockeys and music producers, makeup artists, children party planners and even super heroes. These choices aren’t the problem; it’s that we see them in some roles more than others.
I feel like our parents had it easier. The world is moving really fast and we must merge our childhood resolutions with our current situation.
What the problem seems to be
The issue is probably not that you’ve refused to move with the world, no, you’re not trying to be stuck in your time. You want the best for your children, we all do. No matter how fast the world is moving, you have to be a good parent. Age and experience count twice.
You’ve been around long enough to know that the world works in a certain way and you’ve seen certain things happen before. No one wants their kids making the same mistakes they did. The excitement and rave wears out before the journey is over. You probably think your child may be affected by pressure or in some cases; your child wants to please you by being like you, choosing what you chose.
It could also be that you don’t think what they want will be of great financial value to them, or it could even be that you think their choice may be temporal and they’re about to make a big decision, like not going to college. These are all valid and it is your job as a parent to put them all into consideration.
So, how do can you be a parent and let go at the same time?
Remember that children have their own personalities
‘A chip off the old block.’ It is okay for your child to pick up traits from you but at the end of the day, your child is not you. From picking one color over the other to picking one dress over another, children start to show their individuality really early.
Of course parents affect these choices a little, being that kids watch their parents first. It is important, however, to remember all the choices they made by themselves, especially the right ones.
Think back to the time your child finished a project without your help, or found great clips coupons for a new haircut, cleaned up without your prompt or read a book for fun.
Plus, some mistakes they have to make for themselves. Unfortunate but true. We can only hope for the best.
Ask questions
Practically, there are questions you could ask. Why does your child want this? What exactly is this about? Read up on it and ask questions. Keep an open mind and guide where possible.
Help your child figure out their strengths and interests
Find out about their strengths and passion. You can enroll them in mentorship programs and activities that help them figure out what they want. You can have them take personality and aptitude tests. You can talk to their teachers and find out what they think from interacting with them almost daily during the school year.
Help show them other career options so you’re sure they are aware of many other possibilities. It’ll show you’re interested in your child’s opinion, which would mean a lot.
Make room
Be patient and encouraging. Make sure your child understands that there’s room to grow and it is okay not to be sure sometimes. Allow them to learn about themselves and explore as much as they can.
Sort out sentiments
Some of us are partial to certain career paths. Sometimes because it’s been in the family for generations or at some point when the children were younger, they wanted one so bad and you don’t understand the change of mind.
At other times, if you can admit it, it is because it’s something you wanted for yourself a long time ago and now you have a bit of hope to see yourself in your child. These are only a few of the possible sentiments.
Conclusion
As a parent sometimes you can only guide and steer your child in one direction. Parents are not always right too. You’ve surely heard of people who were forced to do one thing and failed or succeeded at it, just as you might have heard of people who were allowed to do just want they wanted and failed or succeeded at it.
Cheers to being good parents.