The tide of leadership is changing. The “touchy, feely” stuff that was mocked as unimportant in leading others has become critical as millennials will become the largest generation in the global workforce (75% by 2025). They want compassionate leaders who see them for who they are and encourage them to contribute their gifts and live purposeful lives. Science has discovered compassion is essential to our evolutionary history. While men can employ it, women are more attuned to compassion. This marks an evolution – a “new normal” – a more connected and emotionally intelligent way of leading. This is where women have the edge!
As more companies set goals toward gender equality and want leaders who can engage their younger employees, leadership opportunities for women will grow. Although women’s innate gift of compassion gives them the edge, it also prevents them from being exceptional leaders. Women express compassion most often by giving themselves fully. They’ve learned it’s better than receiving. Yet this creates an imbalance with negative consequences. Their blind spot of learning “to receive” is the key that unlocks the freedom for women to seize the opportunities unfolding and become the exceptional leaders needed in this century.
Here’s how to be exceptional by learning “to receive.”
Receive Words by being present. When you’re present, it easier to be open and receive a person’s words and their meaning. People don’t always say what they mean, but you can’t sense this if your mind is elsewhere. Meditation practices can help quiet the mind so you’re present. When people feel heard, they know you care. Caring builds commitment and loyalty because people feel valued and appreciated.
Receive Ideas by letting go of expectations and being curious. Without expectations, you won’t need people to validate your ideas. With curiosity, you’re open and interested in their ideas even if they’re different than yours. You’ll discover who they are and their natural gifts. When you openly receive people’s ideas, you validate their gifts. When people feel they can contribute their gifts to make a difference in the organization, they’re motivated to get the best results and more.
Receive Praise by taking in what someone says rather than deflecting it. If you feel uncomfortable, notice it through your gestures or words – be with the feeling, don’t push it away; then breathe as if breathing through your heart; appreciate. Neuroscience has proven that practices of appreciation build your emotional intelligence and balance your heart rhythms. Receiving this heartfelt energy is not only healing and revitalizing but also allows others the joy and fulfillment of giving to you.
Receive Criticism by learning how to first give honest, supportive feedback; then learn to receive criticism so people feel safe to give it. Next, teach others to do the same. Creating interaction agreements (IA) that people agree and commit to helps. Without being a personal attack, you can give criticism by pointing to the IA a person broke; then ask how you can support them in honoring it. In receiving criticism, a person can tell you the IA you committed to uphold. It’s great for accountability.
By learning to receive and give criticism in a supportive way, you’ll build a culture where people feel empowered, know their voice matters, and can learn from the other’s perspective. This heightens trust and allows people to grow into their best selves.
Receive Help by letting go of total control and being comfortable with uncertainty. Letting go starts with an awareness of what you hang on to. It’s not just letting go, it’s noticing how you feel when you do. Consider letting go of:
- Correcting people’s mistakes; instead, coach, so they correct it.
- Solving others’ problems; instead, ask questions, so they resolve it.
- Distracting yourself with emails; instead, be still, then refocus on what you’re doing.
- Talking and interrupting; instead, be present and receive others’ words.
When you’re comfortable with letting go and being in the state of uncertainty, you’ll receive help without feeling guilty; be vulnerable without feeling weak.
Learning to receive brings humanity into your leadership. You’ll inspire people to contribute in ways never anticipated before; create a culture of belonging to something special and live a more balanced life because the circle of life isn’t just about giving, it’s also about receiving. That’s exceptional!
ABOUT SUSAN INOUYE
As a recognized expert in working with millennials, Susan Inouye has helped leaders in over 600 companies in 40 industries—from small businesses to Fortune 500 companies— to increase productivity levels by engaging and motivating this generation of unique talents. An expert in executive coaching, leadership development, and organizational change, she specializes in coaching women on the executive track.
Susan is the bestselling author of Leadership’s Perfect Storm: What Millennials Are Teaching Us About Possibilities, Passion and Purpose, which hit the #1 bestseller in leadership, business management and women’s personal spiritual growth last year. An active member of the community, she is the recipient of The Congressional Award for Contributions to the Community.